Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Before We Go - The Movie, Love, Life and Me

Have you ever hesitated to confess your love to someone?

Have you ever had your heart broken?

Have you ever been in a toxic relationship?

Have you ever been in love which seems to last forever?

Yes or No, the essence of these questions is love. Love is beautiful. I won’t call love a ‘thing’ because things break, things get destroyed. Does love too? I have seen people in love destroy each other, hurt each other to the point of breaking. What kind of love is it which always hurts, regrets and says sorry?

This question is in reciprocation after watching the movie – Before We Go. I like watching movies as I have mentioned many a times on my blog. Though I am not a big fan of any specific actors, I like movies because they have the power to showcase the fiction with touch of non-fiction.

I would love a movie even if not a big hit because it made me think and ponder over the impact it had on me.

Before We Go turned out to be one. The story revolves around two strangers who meet one night and how they learn about their life and help clearing up the faded faith. It goes without saying they learn to know about ‘love’ with new perspective.

Before We Go movie

There is no perfect. There will always be struggle. You just need to choose who you wanna struggle with.

True isn’t it? How many times have you questioned about the decision you have made to be with the people in life? I am not talking solely about relationship of love but this is true for other relations too.

Brooke Dalton: It's possible, isn't it? It's possible that you could meet somebody who's perfect for you even though you're committed to somebody else.
Nick Vaughan: No, no, see, I think if you're committed to somebody, you don't allow yourself to find perfection in someone else.

I am searching for the answer Brooke asks over here (My most favourite dialogue from the movie). Do you have any answer or what’s your perspective on this one?

The best part of the movie is Nick and Brooke calling their past self and giving advice. I don’t want to ruin the story for you but I have to mention this one:

Nick Vaughan: And at the end of the night, you're gonna want to say some things, but don't. Don't ruin it. It's nothing she doesn't already know. Just give her a kiss. Wish her good luck. And, uh... thank her. Thank her for showing you that you can love more than one person in this life.

I can’t argue over this and don’t even try to argue with me. This for me is not less than sacred.

I was fascinated with the concept of talking with your past that I decided to dial the number to myself 5 years back. What would I tell myself?

“Poonam, it’s you from the future. Your ritual of turning off the net will be broken one night and be thankful for Amazon prime video for it. Trust me it would be best because you are going to hear those words you believed you would never hear in this life. It will definitely make you insomniac for two straight nights but it would be worth it. You need those words to be heard. You will regain the faith and belief that love exists in this world and for you.” 
Wednesday, March 7, 2018

Tere Jaisa Yaar Kahan

Dear D (That's what I call you),

I don’t need to talk with you through this medium but I can’t get over my OCD of documenting my life. When I shall look back at this once we turn wrinkly, it will never fail to make me smile, laugh and cry. You may be thinking what made me write today for you. I came across the song, “Tere Jaisa Yaar Kahan” from the movie Yaarana today, but the cover version by Rahul Jain. How can it not make me remember you, after all it’s about dosti!

tere jaisa yaar kahan song

You are the only one till date I have spoken tons, so much that I did not even with my parents.  We crossed each others’ path at an age where great friendship is rare because we had already seen true colors of people in this world. Yet there was nothing or no one who could stop the birth of our friendship.  

Can you tell me why are we still friends who do not require words to elaborate our thoughts? I have no answer to it. Okay, let me put down few points-

Our compatibility. No, wait. If compatibility was the reason we would have been life partners.lol.

The fact is reverse. Our ways of thinking are not in sync but we 'listen' to them unbiased. I have never opinionated you. I have never judged, neither you have me. Our ability to be with each other in differences is what keeping this relation alive.

You crossed the topmost point on your bucket list - getting me fermented. That's an EPIC success for you!

Our stupidity burrowed the well of regret and instead of crying out to each other, we both fell into it. Will we ever get out?

I am sorry that I kept you out of my life for certain time phase. I was such a fool not confiding all to you when you were and are the one who can catch me behind the mask I wear. I lost those years without you and I am extremely ashamed of myself to keep you waited all those years even after knowing we can always be with each other. No matter what!

This is getting emotional. Let me vent though. I can't carry this burden within me. We knew the path we were walking on but it came unexpectedly, may be too early or too late or at the right time I must say.

I am walking over this path happily but I am also passing by insecurities and jealousy - the black masked emotions that has the power to ruin man. I can't get through them. It is turning out to be more difficult than I presumed. These emotions might kill us.

I have to let you go. This time I am being selfish. I have decided to give the pen to fate who shall write the story for us. I will persevere to read it. Life has already conspired against us, I can only wait to read the book fate will compose.

This is getting too emotional, ain't it? My birthright is to pester you for lifetime and not this. You gave me back my lost muse. I can never be like C but she always will be my inspiration.
I may never find myself in your words but I am happy enough to be in your smile, a real one and not the fake.

I have nothing better to end this letter than the lyrics of the song mentioned earlier.

Tere jaisa yaar kahan
Kahan aisa yaarana
Yaad karegi duniya
Tera mera afsana

Meri zindagi sawaari
Mujhko gale lagake
Baitha diya falak pe
Mujhe khaat se oothake

Yaara teri yaari ko
Maine to khuda mana
Yaad karegi duniya
Tera mera afsana

Yours forever,
you may never find a friend like me ever :P

Monday, March 5, 2018

February - The Month That Was!

February - month recognised by Valentines day. There wasn't any love in air for me in the first half of the month. 


Work took a toll. Deadlines. I gave my best and completed the work before the deadline. I can't tolerate people who create nuisance with their ugly behaviour without any cause. I hate those who shove the mud over you when it's their crap they should be hiding. This did affect   my working skill a bit but I don't give a damn about such behaviour. So at the end I did the assigned project and I am proud of it.

Moving on apart from the rant.


Reading took a back seat. I didn't finish the book I started 'Where did you go Bernadette'. But I haven't drawn strict lines. I took it easy and breathe calmly.


I can't be tied to one place. Hence my love for travel. The experience of packing the bags, traveling via different transportation are ones I believe everyone should undergo. Travelling out of your comfort zone makes you learn not only about the varied culture but also makes one wise. Keep learning, is all I want to in life.

We visited Coorg, Ooty and Mysore. I shall write a different post describing the journey in detail.

Panch mukhi Ganapati Temple, Bengaluru

Parampara Resort & Spa, Coorg
Colorful breakfast

Dubare Elephant Camp, Coorg
Namdroling Nyingmapa Monastery,  Bylakuppe,Mysore, Karnataka 

Pasteur Institute of India, Coonoor
Sunset view from Sinclair Hotel, Ooty
Early morning view of Ooty city

Mysuru Palace


Talking about love at the end, the definition of love has changed for me.

The Universe is very, very big. It also loves a paradox. For example, it has some extremely strict rules.
Rule number one: Nothing lasts forever. Not you or your family or your house or your planet or the sun. It is an absolute rule. Therefore when someone says that their love will never die, it means that their love is not real, for everything that is real dies.
Rule number two: Everything lasts forever.
-Craig Ferguson, Between the Bridge and the River

Love for me doesn't mean to always be together. Love for me is forever despite the distance. Love for me is living life knowing you can't have the one you want. If love gave me ache and pain, it was never love.


There might be major change coming in my life. I am slightly nervous but I will take it as ease. Ending this post at the note on:

If it is bound to happen, it will. If it does not, don't sulk in the darkness and overthink on why it did not. Cry if you want to. Don't expect or wait for anyone to hand over the tissues. Break or tear things if it makes you feel better. But remember to do all of these only for a day. Next day will be a new one. Do not carry yesterdays baggage in the new day. It will overload you, bend you, walking will be difficult. Because your life's mantra is: Never ever give up!
Monday, February 12, 2018

Does Love Brings Any Companions?

I never believed its existence

Someone made me to contemplate, “Is this how love feels like?”
I was naive to be thrilled.
“Yes! I have fallen in love.”

Love arrived
Along came the two companions: expectations, obligations

I busied myself to nurture them
Love got ignored, Love never complained

Love stepped out of the door without making any sound

Expectations and obligations got too nasty
I couldn’t live with them under one roof
I threw them out and hated love for bringing them
I forgot everything about love

I was happy and serene
When I opened the door to step out for a coffee

I was standing face-to-face with Love, again?
All alone in silence with no companion

expectations and obligations never come with Love

I hesitated to welcome Love in

This time I had my fear to accompany it
Wednesday, February 7, 2018

January Reading Wrap Up and Mini Reviews

I have buckled up for a great reading year 2018. I am squeezing time out of regular schedule to read at least few pages in a day:

  1. I step inside the local train, struggle to take out the book or tablet from the bag. Mumbai local, I can never escape from it.
  2.  Read in between after cooking dinner and before eating.
  3.  Read after finishing the chores. Quiet time.

 I am quite happy with the reading month of January. I had mentioned in my earlier posts about the reading challenges and I must say they are keeping me on toes.

I share my reading progress on Goodreads, Instagram and Twitter. I have also come across fellow participants on these social media platform and it is interesting to read about new books.

book reviews the sun and her flower

I have read 5 books ranging from serious to humorous, from exquisite to deadpan mania.

    1.      Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng
2.       the sun and her flowers by Rupi Kaur
3.       Adulthood is a Myth – Sarah’s Scribbles by Sarah Andersen
4.       The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett
5.       The Elephant Vanishes by Haruki Murakami

Mini Reviews of the above books:

I am not a classic book reviewer. I have attached the link for you to read the synopsis. I will be sharing my opinions and thoughts regarding the book. I find it difficult to give stars, so at the end I will only mention whether I liked it or not. It was my first time read from all the authors.

1    1.       Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng

I picked this at the beginning of 2018 and first I regretted as it turned out to be depressing. It doesn’t mean I disliked it. Celeste Ng has narrated the complexity of life, relationship between husband and wife, siblings, parents and children in a simple manner. This story can be found in almost every household. I can sum it up in few points:
  •  Death, grief
  •  Expectations! They always creep in and destroy this beautiful life
  • Sibling jealousy
  •  A child’s passion and dream opposite of the parent
  •  Perfect portrayal of psychology of second and third child in a family

Do I recommend it? Yes. I liked it.

2.       the sun and her flowers by Rupi Kaur

The first poetry book I ever read. This book is making its presence everywhere and it deserves all the hype. It is divided in five chapters: wilting, falling, rooting, rising and blooming wherein the author has narrated her life experiences in the poetry and prose.

The sun and her flowers is a recital of the journey of healing, honouring the roots from we came from, falling and rising after the fall and finding the strength within.

Have no doubts. I loved it.

3.       Adulthood is a Myth – Sarah’s Scribbles by Sarah Andersen

This book wiped away the darkness from first book by making me laughing aloud. Sarah, the author has brilliantly scribbled the intricacies of being an adult. This book is about me, you and everyone around us. I could relate to the scribbling.  The spotlight of her scribbles shines on:

  •          Social media
  •          Introverts
  •          Adolescence
  •          Dating
  •          Love
  •          Friends

Have a great laugh while reading this book.

    4.       The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett

I chose this book for the Pop Sugar reading challenge 2018 on the book prompt: A childhood classic. It was indeed a quick read and for me books never fail in making us learn be it for children, young adult, or any genre.

The Secret Garden conveys a simple yet strong lesson to its reader:

the secret garden

Read it for yourself or to your child or any young one, it is worth reading.

5.       The Elephant Vanishes by Haruki Murakami

When I started reading this one, I was like: 

What? How? Why? Why would anyone want to attack McDonalds and why is the name of the cat in first chapter given to two human beings in later ones? Why not different names? Is he so obsessed with the name? How can a huge elephant vanish?

I had never intended to pick any book by this author but I was intrigued after reading an article on Scoop Whoop: What Is It About Murakami’s Writing That Has The World Mesmerized By His Books?

The book is divided into chapters with short stories. I was mesmerized by few stories, my favourite ones:

  •          Sleep
  •          On seeing the 100% perfect girl one beautiful April morning
  •          The Dancing Dwarf

Few chapters were creepy, few were totally unbearable. I had even thought of skipping them. The title is the last chapter in the book and as the synopsis says, ‘….Murakami makes a determined assault on the normal’, it is indeed.

I did like his writing, so I have listed the other books – Norwegian Wood, Kafka on the Shore on my TBR list.

I am determined to continue this reading journey in February. Do share your views or suggest me books because I would love to explore different genre.

Wednesday, January 31, 2018

No Resolutions but My Word of the Year #woty 2018

Last day of January is here (is it me or this month passed way too fast than the whole of 2017) and I can still define the Word of the Year #woty. For the matter of fact, you can start anything new at any given point of life because I have begun to believe in: ‘TODAY is the first day of the rest of your life’.  I have talked about ‘Keeping Yourself First’ in the post: 2017 – The Year that was.

word of the year

I am taking it forward by defining last year’s theme now as: Self-Love.

  1. regard for one's own well-being and happiness.
Remember that self-love is nowhere a synonym for narcissism. They can never be used one for the other. Self-love is a practice. Every day!

I had “given” a lot for others, for them to be happy and contented in past few years. While giving is not bad but I got carried away far too much where it became sacrificing myself, my happiness. I got to give a loud *smirk* here when I realised people can never be contented with what they have.

Relationships do not work on:

  •         Manipulating each other’s feelings
  •          Blackmailing emotions
  •         Taking for granted

I was so lost and doomed in depression it was a great struggle to come out of it. What kept me alive were not people or circumstances. It was all me, within me. I am still learning to live through it every single day.

I would like to suggest 30 Things to Start Doing for Yourself. I read one thing each day. They are little things which we often forget in the big picture of life.

Small little things each day bring happiness.

I neither have a particular motivational guru nor I read self-help books. I absorb words filled with wisdom be it by anyone. I admire few people and I must say they deserve the place they are! Priyanka Chopra (you ought to listen her talk on Breaking the Glass), Oprah Winfrey, Will Smith, Steve Jobs, Karan Johar, Twinkle Khanna.

Let me define what ‘Self-Love’ means for me apart from the ‘pamper time’ or ‘Me time’:

1. I love and admire the way I look. Believe me ‘being comfortable in our own skin’ is a struggle for most of us in this era. I never had a healthy skin due to many illnesses that hit me during adolescence.

I was ridiculed for my skin color and the way I looked. It took years to come out of the self-loathing zone.

I am 30 now and let me tell you I have never been so confident.

  • Yes my face does have acne, which does not deter my spirit, whatsoever.
  •  I have grey hairs. A LOT OF THEM and the salon people pester me to color them but I am not ashamed stepping out with the greys.
  • I have dark circles because I am in front of PC for almost 8 hours daily and I read before sleep. I cannot stop working. I cannot give up reading or writing because they are my passion and how can one live without them!

2. I choose the clothes which I like. I choose the food I love to eat. I do not go to places where I do not want to. Learning to say no for me is self-love.

3  3.  I have given up self-pity when people question about “when are you planning to have kids? Or what is the problem? Or what’s wrong?”

I have stopped all the shit and crap affecting me.  I love my body. It is the temple I live in. If my body is not able to carry a baby within doesn’t mean I should curse it or allow someone else to ‘talk’ about it. (I will dedicate a different post on infertility in near future)

I would like to tell everyone out here its true infertility sucks the happiness out but it is not the end of the world!

4  4. I cannot please each and everyone or make someone love me. If you cannot accept me the way I am then I won’t waste my time in pleading you to like me. I would definitely do not act which might hurt but changing myself altogether, NAH! I have given up that attitude.

I have come to the conclusion:

No Matter What!
People will judge you. Manipulate you. Dump you. Drain you. Break you.
 What only matters:
Rise. Learn from past.

5  5. Live in the moment. Work hard today. Let go of the dark past. Make time for hobbies. Learn something new. Bad time will always be around the corner, you cannot escape it. Be blunt at times. Be fierce and let the adventure begin.

live in the moment | positive affirmations
Images source: Unsplash

Monday, January 29, 2018

I Want To Write A Perfect Poetry For You

I want to write a perfect poetry or prose for you. Yes it should be perfect. You say there is nothing or no one perfect in this world. But I am not talking about how the world defines the word perfect. For me you are perfect with all your flaws and imperfections.

spoken poetry

So again, I want to write a perfect poetry or prose for you which I will compose in a song. I don't have knowledge about music but I have an ear to recognise a perfect song. I will strike the tunes which shall synchronise with our hearts resonance. When the song plays I don't want millions of heart to beat along with it but only yours. Because you will understand it is meant only for you and no other soul. I want the voice of Ed Sheeran for it. Big dream, I know, but not impossible, is it?

I will write the song not only about love, but it will be about the dumb discussion we have. It will be about how I tease you. It will be about how you laugh on my way of making an omelette till your stomach hurt and eyes water. It will be about how our stupid and crazy friendship turned into the craziest love which we never understood. It will be about how much it hurts to be away from you but with you.

It will sound a sad song for others but only our ears can listen the vibration of love. It will be about how we cannot commit to each other yet the love isn't obsolete. It will be about the fire of jealousy when you can talk and be with anyone other than me. It will be about our conversations we have over a drink, which we can never talk on when sober.

I will sprinkle our smiles, laughter, tears, pain on an octave. I will carve the distance between us on the high notes. I will scrap the evil, the sin, the lust on the low notes. I will engrave our names on every note of the song which will last for an eternity. Because I want the song to be perfect for you, for me, for us be together which we cannot in this life, but we will be in this song forever.