Thursday, April 19, 2018

Th1rteen R3asons Why

Imagine if you receive the audio tapes with the life events narrated by the one who has committed suicide. Not just any stranger, but your friend or a sibling or your child. Suicide is an absolute contrary to the humans strongest instinct - 'survival'.

Thirteen Reasons Why, a netflix originals is an adaptation of the novel by Jay Asher. I am not talking about the TV series to 'review' it rather I want to highlight the essence of the novel - 'mental health'. The characters truly depicted the dark emotions going inside a teenager or young adults. A large proportion of adult suicide deaths occur between the ages of 15 years and 29 years.

Life events during teenage has the power to make or break. It is not easy to wipe off those memories. Every parent or being a family member should understand 'giving space', "respecting privacy" but should never hesitate to talk to each other or misinterpreting as 'interference.'

What drives a person to end his own life? We, humans are social animals. There is a reason that we are called as being "social". Even being an introvert doesn't make you stand outside this definition. Hannah Baker narrates her story with the raw feelings and experiences she goes through. How one incidence has a great impact on her. Following is the conversation between Hannah and the school counsellor:

Kevin Porter: [to Hannah] Why don't we start with how you're feeling right now.
 Hannah Baker: Right now?
 Kevin Porter: Yeah.
 Hannah Baker: Right now. Lost. I guess. Sort of empty.
 Kevin Porter: Empty?
 Hannah Baker: Yeah, I don't feel anything. Like I don't care anymore.
 Kevin Porter: You don't care about what?
 Hannah Baker: About anything. School, myself, the people here. My parents.
 Kevin Porter: Your parents?
 Hannah Baker: I mean, I care about them, but I'm not... I'm not who they need me to be.
Hannah Baker: I need it to stop.
 Kevin Porter: You need what to stop?
 Hannah Baker: I need everything to stop. Just people. Life.

Have you witnessed the feeling of 'nothingness'?

We often forget, ignore or are not aware that our behavior towards others can make or break a person. We rush too fast to label a person - introvert, extrovert, shy, timid, courageous. Do you believe in first impression is the last impression? It holds true but not every time. Every person reacts in a different manner for same stimuli and why does he react in the way depends on several factors.

Never judge a person. You haven't walked in his or her shoes. 

13 reasons why dialogues

Hannah is a victim of bullying, shaming by her fellow classmates. These incidences are real, occur around us but they are shoved under the blanket or turned a blind eye.

Hannah speaks about the 13 reasons in the audio format. She did reach out for help but I was shocked how it turned out to be. She was laid down by her friends but she was also disappointed with herself for not coming out to speak against the sexual assault she witnessed.

Suicide may end life but it greatly affects the life of the beloved ones - parents, friends. They are grappled with guilt, anger and depression. This has been shown perfectly with the characters of Hannah's parents and friend - Clay. When everyone thought about why and who will believe what a dead girl has to say about sexual assault, bullying, rape, Clay fought for her.

13 reasons why dialogues

Things which we do not experience doesn't make them unreal. Hence Thirteen Reasons Why should be watched by parents with their children, teenagers or even adults.

Depression. Regret. Guilt. How often have you gone through them or lived in them? The topic of mental health is still considered a topic 'should not be talked about'.  We hesitate to reach out to ask for help. You may not be comfortable to talk to your parents, or spouse or friend. There is Talking therapy that helps you deal with the negative feelings.

“Life is unpredictable and control is just an illusion. And it makes us feel small and powerless.”

I know it is not easy to ask for help. Trust me I have been through it. Even after been educated all about counselling I couldn't help myself. The moment I took the appointment of a counselor was the best decision. I had been just breathing and not living. That one session with my counselor unveiled emotions and cleared off hazy thoughts.

Yes, Life goes on but it has no meaning if the bitter taste lingers despite of 'moving on'. Always remember - It is okay to be not okay. It is okay to be not perfect. It is okay not been loved by everyone

Thursday, April 12, 2018

She Drowns in Broken Prose

She drowns in broken prose
Escape from white noise
She hears her lost voice
Finds him close

©Beyond Horizon 

love prose | love poetry
Tuesday, April 10, 2018

Book Review : Age of Azmoq The Valantian Imperium by Rajamayyoor Sharma

Book Review : Age of Azmoq The Valantian Imperium by Rajamayyoor Sharma

Author: Rajamayyoor Sharma
Pages: 392
Price: 499 INR on Amazon
Kindle edition: 249 INR

Note: I received the copy of the book from BlogAdda - the largest community of bloggers in India. The views expressed here are honest, unbiased and my own.

What comes to your mind if I ask, “Which is your favourite book from the fantasy genre?” I am sure it might not be from any Indian author.

Age of Azmoq: The Valantian Imperium by Rajamayyoor Sharma has created a fantasy world where power, dominance, trust, betrayal aren’t uncommon.

Be ready to take in lots of information about the vivid characters distributed throughout the book. The author has divided the book in seven sections where each section introduces new story, characters and history.

While reading the prologue I felt the story would be infernal but once I dived into the first few chapters I realized the author has grazed the humanly world with perfect fantasy. I had read dozens of contemporary novels recently and thought it would be difficult to seize this fantasy world but the book proved me wrong.

Rajamayyoor Sharma has written a page-turner book.

Book Review : Age of Azmoq The Valantian Imperium by Rajamayyoor Sharma


The story revolves around the metal – Azmoq which has incredulous power which when used improperly can destroy many lives. The military of Valantian Imperium is all set to control and conquer the village which has vast reserve of the metal.

The story-telling is mostly in first person language and which makes it easier to understand the character and his relationship with others.

Villasboro – The village where people live above the age of 100 and the houses are shaped in form of animal footprint from above.

The narration of Valantian Imperium, the Order of Seven, Final 100, Hammer brothers, Yerins is mystifying.


Each character has flaws with its unique abilities and morals. I loved the names which the author has created for the places (Villasboro, Nuevida), characters (Forresgrim, Anirved, Kazena, Azrial, Elibir) and language (Deusorthok)

There are many twists in the storyline, for one moment you might think the person is a bad guy and the next he turns a good-hearted hero. ‘Karn’ is the character I feel in love with. His ferocious attitude, flirty nature, mind reading capability makes it impossible to not love him.

Book Review : Age of Azmoq The Valantian Imperium by Rajamayyoor Sharma

The role of ‘Kazena’ is surprisingly brilliant. Dag Heyat is another robust evil character that I loved.
I do not want to spoil the story here but read it for how 3 people (Dev (the unknown and unnamed), Karn and Eric) from different areas of same continent, a teenager, one in mid-twenties and other in his mid-thirties find each other in obnoxious situation yet end up having the strongest bond of friendship.


You will read about the powerful Azmoq laden weapons: swords, glove, brace and armors.

Author has created fascinating imaginative landscapes in form of map makes them alive and immersive. The reader will continue to read without skipping any pages because if you do, you might miss an important part.  The footnotes in the book, however can be informative but sometimes distracts the world you have created in your mind while reading.

Book Review : Age of Azmoq The Valantian Imperium by Rajamayyoor Sharma
This is what makes me do to make the fantasy world more alive and memorable

Final verdict:

A fantasy novel should have the ability of world-building with strong unforgettable characters and I am in complete awe that and an Indian author has done it with this book.

You will love this book if:

a) You like to read about vast dynasty, powerful weapons, mind reading, war, friendship

b) You want to feel the characters alive in an incredible world as if walking in their footsteps

This review is a part of the biggest Book Review Program for Indian Bloggers. Participate now to get free books!
Sunday, March 25, 2018

You Are Not My 'Need'

You are not my need.
I want you but I can't have you.
I can never justify the 'want'
You are the one I can never have.
Did you get it? Or have I confused you?

unrequited love poem

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Before We Go - The Movie, Love, Life and Me

Have you ever hesitated to confess your love to someone?

Have you ever had your heart broken?

Have you ever been in a toxic relationship?

Have you ever been in love which seems to last forever?

Yes or No, the essence of these questions is love. Love is beautiful. I won’t call love a ‘thing’ because things break, things get destroyed. Does love too? I have seen people in love destroy each other, hurt each other to the point of breaking. What kind of love is it which always hurts, regrets and says sorry?

This question is in reciprocation after watching the movie – Before We Go. I like watching movies as I have mentioned many a times on my blog. Though I am not a big fan of any specific actors, I like movies because they have the power to showcase the fiction with touch of non-fiction.

I would love a movie even if not a big hit because it made me think and ponder over the impact it had on me.

Before We Go turned out to be one. The story revolves around two strangers who meet one night and how they learn about their life and help clearing up the faded faith. It goes without saying they learn to know about ‘love’ with new perspective.

Before We Go movie

There is no perfect. There will always be struggle. You just need to choose who you wanna struggle with.

True isn’t it? How many times have you questioned about the decision you have made to be with the people in life? I am not talking solely about relationship of love but this is true for other relations too.

Brooke Dalton: It's possible, isn't it? It's possible that you could meet somebody who's perfect for you even though you're committed to somebody else.
Nick Vaughan: No, no, see, I think if you're committed to somebody, you don't allow yourself to find perfection in someone else.

I am searching for the answer Brooke asks over here (My most favourite dialogue from the movie). Do you have any answer or what’s your perspective on this one?

The best part of the movie is Nick and Brooke calling their past self and giving advice. I don’t want to ruin the story for you but I have to mention this one:

Nick Vaughan: And at the end of the night, you're gonna want to say some things, but don't. Don't ruin it. It's nothing she doesn't already know. Just give her a kiss. Wish her good luck. And, uh... thank her. Thank her for showing you that you can love more than one person in this life.

I can’t argue over this and don’t even try to argue with me. This for me is not less than sacred.

I was fascinated with the concept of talking with your past that I decided to dial the number to myself 5 years back. What would I tell myself?

“Poonam, it’s you from the future. Your ritual of turning off the net will be broken one night and be thankful for Amazon prime video for it. Trust me it would be best because you are going to hear those words you believed you would never hear in this life. It will definitely make you insomniac for two straight nights but it would be worth it. You need those words to be heard. You will regain the faith and belief that love exists in this world and for you.” 
Wednesday, March 7, 2018

Tere Jaisa Yaar Kahan

Dear D (That's what I call you),

I don’t need to talk with you through this medium but I can’t get over my OCD of documenting my life. When I shall look back at this once we turn wrinkly, it will never fail to make me smile, laugh and cry. You may be thinking what made me write today for you. I came across the song, “Tere Jaisa Yaar Kahan” from the movie Yaarana today, but the cover version by Rahul Jain. How can it not make me remember you, after all it’s about dosti!

tere jaisa yaar kahan song

You are the only one till date I have spoken tons, so much that I did not even with my parents.  We crossed each others’ path at an age where great friendship is rare because we had already seen true colors of people in this world. Yet there was nothing or no one who could stop the birth of our friendship.  

Can you tell me why are we still friends who do not require words to elaborate our thoughts? I have no answer to it. Okay, let me put down few points-

Our compatibility. No, wait. If compatibility was the reason we would have been life

The fact is reverse. Our ways of thinking are not in sync but we 'listen' to them unbiased. I have never opinionated you. I have never judged, neither you have me. Our ability to be with each other in differences is what keeping this relation alive.

You crossed the topmost point on your bucket list - getting me fermented. That's an EPIC success for you!

Our stupidity burrowed the well of regret and instead of crying out to each other, we both fell into it. Will we ever get out?

I am sorry that I kept you out of my life for certain time phase. I was such a fool not confiding all to you when you were and are the one who can catch me behind the mask I wear. I lost those years without you and I am extremely ashamed of myself to keep you waited all those years even after knowing we can always be with each other. No matter what!

This is getting emotional. Let me vent though. I can't carry this burden within me. We knew the path we were walking on but it came unexpectedly, may be too early or too late or at the right time I must say.

I am walking over this path happily but I am also passing by insecurities and jealousy - the black masked emotions that has the power to ruin man. I can't get through them. It is turning out to be more difficult than I presumed. These emotions might kill us.

I have to let you go. This time I am being selfish. I have decided to give the pen to fate who shall write the story for us. I will persevere to read it. Life has already conspired against us, I can only wait to read the book fate will compose.

This is getting too emotional, ain't it? My birthright is to pester you for lifetime and not this. You gave me back my lost muse. I can never be like C but she always will be my inspiration.
I may never find myself in your words but I am happy enough to be in your smile, a real one and not the fake.

I have nothing better to end this letter than the lyrics of the song mentioned earlier.

Tere jaisa yaar kahan
Kahan aisa yaarana
Yaad karegi duniya
Tera mera afsana

Meri zindagi sawaari
Mujhko gale lagake
Baitha diya falak pe
Mujhe khaat se oothake

Yaara teri yaari ko
Maine to khuda mana
Yaad karegi duniya
Tera mera afsana

Yours forever,
you may never find a friend like me ever :P

Personal Care

Monday, March 5, 2018

February - The Month That Was!

February - month recognised by Valentines day. There wasn't any love in air for me in the first half of the month. 


Work took a toll. Deadlines. I gave my best and completed the work before the deadline. I can't tolerate people who create nuisance with their ugly behaviour without any cause. I hate those who shove the mud over you when it's their crap they should be hiding. This did affect   my working skill a bit but I don't give a damn about such behaviour. So at the end I did the assigned project and I am proud of it.

Moving on apart from the rant.


Reading took a back seat. I didn't finish the book I started 'Where did you go Bernadette'. But I haven't drawn strict lines. I took it easy and breathe calmly.


I can't be tied to one place. Hence my love for travel. The experience of packing the bags, traveling via different transportation are ones I believe everyone should undergo. Travelling out of your comfort zone makes you learn not only about the varied culture but also makes one wise. Keep learning, is all I want to in life.

We visited Coorg, Ooty and Mysore. I shall write a different post describing the journey in detail.

Panch mukhi Ganapati Temple, Bengaluru

Parampara Resort & Spa, Coorg
Colorful breakfast

Dubare Elephant Camp, Coorg
Namdroling Nyingmapa Monastery,  Bylakuppe,Mysore, Karnataka 

Pasteur Institute of India, Coonoor
Sunset view from Sinclair Hotel, Ooty
Early morning view of Ooty city

Mysuru Palace


Talking about love at the end, the definition of love has changed for me.

The Universe is very, very big. It also loves a paradox. For example, it has some extremely strict rules.
Rule number one: Nothing lasts forever. Not you or your family or your house or your planet or the sun. It is an absolute rule. Therefore when someone says that their love will never die, it means that their love is not real, for everything that is real dies.
Rule number two: Everything lasts forever.
-Craig Ferguson, Between the Bridge and the River

Love for me doesn't mean to always be together. Love for me is forever despite the distance. Love for me is living life knowing you can't have the one you want. If love gave me ache and pain, it was never love.


There might be major change coming in my life. I am slightly nervous but I will take it as ease. Ending this post at the note on:

If it is bound to happen, it will. If it does not, don't sulk in the darkness and overthink on why it did not. Cry if you want to. Don't expect or wait for anyone to hand over the tissues. Break or tear things if it makes you feel better. But remember to do all of these only for a day. Next day will be a new one. Do not carry yesterdays baggage in the new day. It will overload you, bend you, walking will be difficult. Because your life's mantra is: Never ever give up!