Saturday, September 22, 2018

I Don't Want My Love



I don't want my love to break you,
I don't want my love to hurt you,
I don't want my love to flow in your words,
I don't want my love to be your pain,
I don't want my love to be in your shadow,
For you to be a reminder of me

I want my love to give you strength,
To live away from me,
To never give up on love and life,
For if you do give up,
I will lose the one who was never meant for me,
I will lose who wasn't made for me

©Beyond Horizon

The above image is a photo prompt at Storybird, a visual story telling platform. Visit it once, you will come across creatives, creators around the world.

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Thursday, September 20, 2018

Day 18 – Letter To The Person That You Wish You Could Be

Dear Ganu,

I can call you that my beloved Ganesha. I know, I know, you aren't a 'person' which this letter is meant to but then you are well aware of my perspective of 'God'.

I share a love-hate relationship with you that I do not with anyone. I love to talk with you even though knowing you won't answer them. But I find solace just looking at you.

letter writing | letter to angel baby

Well, hate is a strong word but then opposite of love is hate, ain't it? For years I have stayed aloof from you. It doesn't mean I have forgotten you. I find your glimpse in each day of my life - in a person, or circumstances.

Have I said - 'Thank you' to you? I guess, not enough with what you have blessed me with. I had burdened you with many wishes, not anymore. Thank you for making me realize how beautiful this life is which most often I had lost in grieving over what I never had rather than being grateful with what I have!

I am still amazed with the story you have written for me. I do not want to turn the pages beforehand of this book of my life. I will live in it, one day at a time.

Okay, I know you are waiting for the reason why I am writing to you today. I wouldn't have written this letter to you anytime before. The recipient of this letter was Anne Frank whose words adorn the tagline of my blog.

Do you know why I want to write to you - the person  that I wish I could be? Because you have all the wonderful people I had in my life once.

I wish I could be you today because you have my baby. I hope you are taking good care of my angel baby. I wish I could be you then I would have hold her in my arms, kiss her, hug her. I wish I could be you, to tell her - I am sorry, I couldn't take care of her. I wish I could be you, to tell her - I love you, now and forever...

No, I am not angry with you. I just want you to convey love to my angel baby and I shall meet her, soon. Take care.

Love.

Yours and hers,
Forever!

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Monday, September 10, 2018

Once Again - Movie Review




What is the 'right' age to fall in love? Will you fall in love once again after loss, conflicts, betrayal or heartbreak?

Once Again - Movie on Netflix


Once Again starring Shefali Shah and Neeraj Kabi is a story of two middle-aged people exploring love and trying to find companionship, as the title suggests - Once Again!

once again netflix movie
Image Source
Tara Shetty is a single mother and a restaurateur. Having lost her husband at a young age she lives an independent life and looks after her son and daughter. Amar is a theatre veteran, extremely meticulous and is amidst a struggling relationship.

The movie begins with their telephonic conversation with the scenes of everyday life in Mumbai. They have known each other as Tara sends meal box to him but never met. The only connection till now are the phone calls at the end of the day. She isn't star struck with his big personality and begins watching his films only after the conversations.

Tara sees a lost man who is struggling with his personal and professional life and for Amar she is a straightforward individual. They find solace in each other's words and yearn for something. Is it love? Sometimes the scenes become more alive not with the dialogues but the intimacy between the two protagonists.

once again movie review

Shefali Shah is an exceptional actor. Lookout for the loneliness her character portrays. You can see the grief and longing for someone after years of living life only for her kids. Neeraj Kabi has given the justice to the role of a father who despite his broken marriage strives to build a healthy relationship with daughter played by Rasika Dugal.

The direction of Kanwal Seth is worth watching that captures the face of common man walking along the street, lashing waves at Marine drive, the sound of grinding of spices in traditional manner, the splash of water on the hot pan for dosa, onions being fried. They grab your attention to the minutest of detail. 

The background score is enough to keep you watching in the first hour of the movie. It brings alive the characters of two lonely souls who find comfort and ease in each other’s presence.

How can the world be not against the two souls (one widow, other famous and divorcee) who have yet to find love but only their being together in public is like a stick in the eye! When they get “caught” in public and the news get published, Tara’s son who is about to get married doesn’t support her. While her daughter understands the loneliness of her mother.

Tara fights within, the emotions and responsibilities brings on turmoil. Amidst the obligations of being a wife, upbringing of children and running a business, she has shoved away her life and lived a life of self-denial. What will she do? She has lived 20 years of life without a companion. Does she give up her blossoming relation with Amar for her children’s sake?

Why should you watch Once Again?

  • For the excellent performance of Shefali Shah. She would make you feel the melancholy of a person who has lived a life alone. Imagine no one to share the emotional burden, to be loved, to be cared for. (I emphasize on person and not woman or man, because emotions do not differentiate according to gender. Their way of expressing might be different but not the feeling)
  • For the subtle, mature romance between Tara and Amar: their first meet, the long drive, sitting atop a hill, mesmerizing time at Marine drive, their conflicts and the intimacy.
  • For the characters of children – two with single mother, one with divorced parents

Why you can skip watching Once Again?

  • If you do not like the theme of the movie talked about above
  • You may get bored, because the story is stretched which makes it boring at a certain point. 

 Final verdict:


It would have been a perfect short film if wrapped up on time. Nevertheless, it is a movie with an attempt to break the stigma attached to middle-aged single men or women to be in an intimate relationship.

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Saturday, September 8, 2018

I Am Going To Bleed Tonight


I am going to bleed tonight
Tonight, on these pages

Cut through this skin
This skin, bleed green monster

I missed your love
Love, for me forever

I abolished being loved
Loved, I always was

How can I forget the touch?
Touch, sacred than a river

How can I forget the kiss?
Kiss, drowned the pain

I’ll leave you hurt
Hurt, not with a broken heart

I want you to be happier
Happier, with the one you choose

We share secrets
Secrets, not dark but of colors

I find beauty in black
Black, hides my love for you

I am going to bleed tonight
Tonight, on these pages
Sealed with my love
My Love, for you!


©Beyond Horizon

poems on love | love poem
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Thursday, September 6, 2018

Broken Things


I have many broken things
Favorite and not so favorite
Loved and not so loved
Yet if you ask
"Why do you keep them?"
I will always say -
"They remind of
What I have lost and
What I have left with."


©Beyond Horizon

Image Source
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Tuesday, September 4, 2018

Life: Love, Loss & Pain


I have lost something / someone. You must have too. No one is spared from it. What did you do after the loss? Can you share it?

We do not stop loving a flower even after knowing it is not here forever. What is forever? Nothing lasts forever. Not the flower. Not the people. Not even the loss.

What about love? We cannot borrow someone’s love. Expecting someone to love us even after knowing he/she will never love us back, why don’t we live with the thought – ‘This is how love feels like!’

What if two people loving each other can’t live together? Isn’t it love? This love does lasts forever. Love doesn’t bring insecurities. Love doesn’t bring fear. Love gives courage to live on. I am blessed to be loved.

I recite to myself what Robert Frost said: “In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.”

Image Source
I had and have tough times. We all have. If you know me quite well, I am not the one to deter with the ongoing storm. Yes, I do have fears but I will never let those win over me. The day the fears win, it would be my death.

What I am today is because of ‘my decisions’. I have (nearly) given up the belief of ‘destiny’. The retrospective vision has toughened my thinking about what I wanted and what I have lost are due to my decisions. My happiness. My sadness. My madness. My craziness. My gain. My loss. All that I have earned is because of me. No one is to be blamed for.

I am happy because I want to be. I smile because I want to. I cry (not much) because I want to. My words cry. I can make the words laugh. I can make the words hurt. I can bleed through words.

Like the tiny happy showers of rain to the deluge that creates loss, my emotions are powerful enough to break me. Like a lifeless landscape, I go numb to the threshold where I can’t feel anything. 

I do feel the pain. I don’t let it evoke any emotion. You won’t see it in my eyes. You won’t find it in my words.

I don’t need alcohol to drown my sadness. I don’t need any addiction to forget the pain. I am master in masking the pain. It ain’t an achievement at all!

I drop my mask only when I look myself in the mirror. It doesn’t lie. It never fails to capture my pain. I can’t feign to be the one ‘I am not’ in the reflection.

If you ask ‘why’? I will answer – ‘I don’t know’. If you do not understand me, I won’t pursue you to. This is who I am.

Sunday, September 2, 2018

Book Review: The Perils of Being Moderately Famous by Soha Ali Khan

The Perils of Being Moderately Famous is the debut book by Indian actor Soha Ali Khan. Let me sum up it with three words before I dive into the particulars:


  1. Brilliant
  2. Witty
  3. Not a fairy tale of a princess

Image result for the perils of being moderately famous


Why did I pick her book when there are acclaimed memoir?

I was impressed with the story of Soha Ali Khan and her mother Sharmila Tagore published in HT Brunch. I could see two beautiful ladies living a simple life, nurturing values from mother to a daughter and then daughter to her daughter. It intrigued me.

The Book:


The moment I started reading The Perils of Being Moderately Famous from the Introduction it felt like the author is sitting right across me and narrating her story.

The book begins with a witty note followed by the history of the royals – the Nawabs of Pataudi, life of her father – Mansur Ali Khan Pataudi.

She has divided the book in 9 chapters and the titles are quite interesting.One may not like the first two chapters wherein she has explained in-detail about her ancestors but it is her family’s history after all. The book paces up with the third chapter. The sprinkle of humor here and there made me to read on swiftly. Soha Ali Khan writes about her life growing amidst famous and how she built up her own identity. She writes affectionately about the relationship with her father.


Education and Work Life Not as an Actress


How many of us knew she is an Oxford graduate and later on worked in Citibank as a Manager in Mumbai till we read this memoir? She is extremely well-read and this has helped immensely in her flawless and candid writing style.

Travel and Adventure


We’ll Always Have Paris is about her travel experiences with her pal – traveling across the Sahara Desert, standing along the Grand Canyon, spending night in clay hut and finally coming face to face with one of the wonders of the world – Eiffel Tower and wishing to find her love beneath it. Indeed, she did later on after many years.

Mumbai Meri Jaan


How can I not mention about the chapter – Wakeful City, after all its about her love for Mumbai (mine too). My most favourite are the last two chapters where you will read how she fell for Kunal even though younger than her. It is adorable, funny and intelligently written and ends with a note to the reader.

End yet the beginning


The last one is about her pregnancy. Soha Ali Khan has dedicated this memoir to her daughter, Inaaya and ends with a note to her.

Final Verdict


Don’t read the book for her being related to famous people in her life, not for Saifeena but read it for Soha Ali Khan – you’ll find an outstanding writer and become a fan of her writing. 

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