Thursday, December 22, 2016

Are you listening?

WOW! It feels so good to be alone. Alone but not lonely. Solitude is bliss. I am not talking to you, the one reading this. I am talking to myself. I am blabbering inside my head. I just want to get it out from inside, this burden on my chest so that I could give a sigh of relief. I have been talking with self a lot. I always have though. Does everyone do the same? I cannot stop thinking. My thoughts are all around inside me but not coming out. It's past 11 and I should probably be sleeping but I don't want even though my eyes are heavy.

I have lost many things in past few years. My muse. My writing. My reading. My calm. My inner peace. Well I look like whole world's peace is inside me but dissect me I am not less than a turmoil.

I cannot shout in anger. If I do that's not me. I like to be silent. Very few know this about me. I am blessed to have those and those are not blood relations or the ones tied knot to. Some relationship do not require label to define. At least for me.

Speaking of that my reading is going quite well this year. It was so difficult to even read a chapter with all the distractions. I have left so many books unread in between. The books I picked this year, am glad I read them.

My thoughts and decisions are struggling between emotions and intellect. I am going to let intellect win this time. Cause emotions have broken me down to pieces, the pieces I couldn't find even in light. The pieces which were crushed to never be found again.

I have let time slipped from me. Many a times, Time mocking me. Teasing me. I still do not have hold on it, but I am walking or rather living hand in hand with Time.

Why is it so difficult, it feels lame even to talk about it. The greys in my hair speaks of my fight and struggle, the eyes screams of suffering only to those who can hear them, my hands speaks of the hard work which have gone in vain and my feet speaks about the path taken wrong.

Some people get abusive when in anger wonder how the f word, BC, MC words make them feel better. Sometimes I think why I don't drink. I would have been able to drown in it and not worrying about anything. But then again I don't want to be a raging alcoholic.

It's so easy to pen down while listening music. Every beat releases the words and here comes the peace.

Friday, September 23, 2016

Happy Birthday My Friend

Many many happy returns of the day my crazy, stupid, dumb, weird friend.

I would not say 'May God bless' you due to recent circumstances.

(You may call me narcissist)I say I bless you with all the happiness, wealth and success. Health is in your hands, my blessings won't work in that zone.

You do have love in life from your family, friends including me. Let's not talk about the clichéd 'Love'.

I had fallen in love with your writing and I miss reading something new from you. Your nature of 'giving' reflects in your writings too.

I am happy we met a day before your birthday. And No I may not be able to gift you a mobile or that luxurious car but I give my word I will stand by you in need.

Do not doubt on my given word, I said it truthfully as I allowed you smoking in front of me even though I hate it.

I do not fear on talking about anything in front of you as you don't judge me like others do.

Life is good having a friend like you.

Also do remember, I will never hesitate to slap you  in case if you do something hazardous.

Have a wonderful life and please EAT don't stay bony!

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Don't Love Me 2.0

She found herself smiling in the mirror after so so long. It wasn't because of him. He snatched away her smile, her happiness and most strangely her inner peace.

The blood curdling anger creeped in her veins leaving her scarred. Scars which no one could see. How come no one noticed that she isn't happy?

But surprisingly the reason behind this smile was someone else. She did not question herself "Is this feeling wrong?" No! Because she had risen above all the societal norms.
She didn't crave for love anymore. She need not. The smile wasn't love but simply a gesture of kindness and understanding from someone.

Her message for him- "Don't Love me. Don't Love me anymore."