I have lost something / someone. You must have too. No one is spared from it. What did you do after the loss? Can you share it?
We do not stop loving a flower even after knowing it is not here forever. What is forever? Nothing lasts forever. Not the flower. Not the people. Not even the loss.
What about love? We cannot borrow someone’s love. Expecting someone to love us even after knowing he/she will never love us back, why don’t we live with the thought – ‘This is how love feels like!’
What if two people loving each other can’t live together? Isn’t it love? This love does lasts forever. Love doesn’t bring insecurities. Love doesn’t bring fear. Love gives courage to live on. I am blessed to be loved.
I recite to myself what Robert Frost said: “In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.”
What I am today is because of ‘my decisions’. I have (nearly) given up the belief of ‘destiny’. The retrospective vision has toughened my thinking about what I wanted and what I have lost are due to my decisions. My happiness. My sadness. My madness. My craziness. My gain. My loss. All that I have earned is because of me. No one is to be blamed for.
I am happy because I want to be. I smile because I want to. I cry (not much) because I want to. My words cry. I can make the words laugh. I can make the words hurt. I can bleed through words.
Like the tiny happy showers of rain to the deluge that creates loss, my emotions are powerful enough to break me. Like a lifeless landscape, I go numb to the threshold where I can’t feel anything.
I do feel the pain. I don’t let it evoke any emotion. You won’t see it in my eyes. You won’t find it in my words.
I don’t need alcohol to drown my sadness. I don’t need any addiction to forget the pain. I am master in masking the pain. It ain’t an achievement at all!
I drop my mask only when I look myself in the mirror. It doesn’t lie. It never fails to capture my pain. I can’t feign to be the one ‘I am not’ in the reflection.
If you ask ‘why’? I will answer – ‘I don’t know’. If you do not understand me, I won’t pursue you to. This is who I am.